It is a little bit of a tight-rope, honestly, but I think we can say that today was a good day. Perhaps a very good day.

Tanja did a lot today. I know what you might be thinking, possibly. You could possibly be thinking, “You know what? I did a lot today. And nobody’s writing a blog about it.”

That’s fair. I have to take your word for it that no one is writing a blog about it, but–put that to one side–the complaint resonates. We are all on our journeys and we are all taking it as it comes, the good with the bad. Fair enough.

It just so happens that, right now, Tanja is dealing with the aftermath of a serious spinal injury that has caused her and everyone around her to re-evaluate their fundamental priorities to the extent that, when she has a day with a long walk, a couple visits from friends, a nap, a bath, and some letter writing, we feel real gratitude.

“You have to understand,” Tanja said to me today. “When I lift my arms, it’s like they weigh thirty pounds.”

She is saying this to me because she is worried that I, of all people, do not understand the effort she is making and the obstacles she’s facing.

And I don’t.

I mean, I know she’s working hard. I know she’s facing obstacles. But I have very little idea what it’s like to wake up on the floor without the ability to move arms or legs and to just go from there.

I remember back in February when we’d do those Autumn Calabrese workouts down in the basement every day, thirty minutes, total exhaustion, to the tune of this little dynamo’s relentlessly upbeat narrative. If, in this context, one reached for the thirty pound dumbbells, that was a boss move. What Tanja is telling me is, “Please believe me. This is very difficult for me.”

I totally believe it.

When friends come by, it lifts Tanja. I can see her getting energy and love from these visits. And I listen to her describe her situation to them and I know she is telling the truth. She is happy. She is stronger. She is more herself every day.

Then they leave and she is exhausted. She is in pain. She is afraid of never getting better.

Those two things are not at all mutually incompatible. Who isn’t happy and afraid? Who isn’t strong and in pain? You? Perhaps you’re the lucky one. Or maybe you’re just not paying attention 🙂